WRITTEN BY : Z & Doves
so Gabriel, ill take you to the room anytime youre ready, Sergeant said
hmmm, okay sir
ahh, speak up na, or do you want your money back
noooo, im just thinking of what ill pack in today
okay, just decide, here’s my number, call my anytime your are ready, he rattled the numbers out for me to copy
I wasnt thinking of what to pack in that moment, I was thinking of the reality starting me in the face, after futile attempts to ballot, already resigned myself to squatting with my closest pal at biobaku, but only issue was that hostel was by the school gate, and I didnt like that, too far from the happening spots in the school, later trying fruitlessly to look for better alternatives, my parents decided to make their own enquiries and here I was, paying £40,000 to get a room, as opposed to the normal $25,000 if I had gotten through the normal balloting means, and opposed to the normal $70,000 I was supposed to pay for getting it illegally, and only I knew that my parents just paid $40,000 for me to squat, but I wasnt going to tell them their error, so I was going to stick it out.
okay sir, ill call you when I come back with my bags, with that I walked off to join my mum
so, how was it, have you seen the room
yeah, its fine, I lied
hes giving you a bed abi?
yes, im collcting it when I want to pack in
and whens that?
will do that tomorrow, with that, we drove off
Over the next days, I packed in, hadnt seen the room before, I was shocked, it was a ten man room, the first I had been in, my previous two years in the school, I stayed in Eni Njoku, a predominantly four man room hostel, so at most we were ten in a room (squatters included), so a ten man room was a first for me, and with the way the room was spread, a strange creeped in. having successfully packed in, keeping to myself was the order of the day, obviously I was a squatter, so didnt want to pass my boundary this early, with time the room became full, and the writings on the wall became clear; previous occupants in that same room write their names down, and the least number of students in a particular set was thirty two, this new iteration which I was a part of got to forty occupants, but thats going too far, well get there
First two weeks spent in the room, came upon the occupants in the following order, Obinna, Samuel aka Opiro , Seun, Kent, David, Oye, we were just seven, each one of us with his own characteristics
Obinna; the quiet mature one, obviously the aje butter
Oye; Obinnas squatter, not quiet but doesnt go out of his way to be noticed, stays on his own
Kent ; the most quiet of them all, and also the resident fine boy
Samuel aka Opiro; confused one, first day I met him, he was praying and not just any type, he was focused and in the spirit, but then its all a paradox on its own
David; stays with Opiro, interacts when theres need to, then stays on his own
Me; the new guy, resident not so fine boy, and of course the narrator of the story.
NA STREET WE DEY
hey, whats up Obinna, how things dey go?
I dey jare Gabriel, wetin dey sup?
im cool jare, just wanted to talk to you about something
okay, go on
see, I know im squatting and all, sergeant just use style dupe my mama, but I no mind, but a friend is coming to stay with me, hes a close pal of mine
wow, small small, we are getting plenty oo
I know, so decided to run it through you, see if you dont mind, hes someone I trust, so no issues will come from him
okay, if you say so, but hes the only one sha?
yeah, nobody else, just him and me, thanks jare
The close pal I was talking about is also called Samuel, weve been together since year one, he got accommodation in biobaku but I couldnt stay there, and at first he wasnt open to staying with me but certain issues cropped up and he decided staying together was the only way out for us, and he was due to pack in the following weekend.
After a long day in class, got to the room, saw it was sparsely populated, there was one thing about the room, we didnt have a room lock and key simply cause there was always at least one person in the room at any time of the day.
hafar Sam, you no go class today
omoh, the lecturer pursue me jare, say I dey do anyhow
ahhh, you get issue with am?
I no know oo, the guy just dey beef me jare, baby boy things, yeah, that was another nickname he got
no mind am, e pain am say e no fresh like you, I jested
ehn ehn, who carry pure water wey I put under bed, I inquired after searching for it for a minute
ahh, them don carry you own too?, Opiro asked
guy, I don dey plan drink that water since I dey road ooo, which kind life be this na
eyah, them carry my own too sef last week, but I just bone am, shebi na just 20 naira
I couldnt ignore it, I was too tired to go back downstairs, and I had my sights set on it since class ended, no option but to let it slide then
2 days later
Obinna was rushing, we could all see it, he told us he was the class rep for his department, Systems Enginerring, 500 level, and he was trying to get the materials needed for todays lecture, he had earlier gone to get a bag of water and laid it on his bed, intending to stow it in his locker, but due to the rush hour mode he was in, he forgot about it and lef for class.
omoh, no be bag of water Obinna levave so?, Opiro asked
chai, the guy fuck up, with the kind movement wey dey happen for here
well, that one no concern me, mah just take one, use am drink garri, Opiro again
guys, stop it, dont take anything, its bad, Kent pleaded
but Kent, hafar you na, na just one I dey take, no be the whole bag, Opiro went to be deterred
one will turn to two and then everthing go finish before he return, Kent was still standing his ground
well, na your wahala be that, with that, Opiro took one from the bag, and minutes later, anther one, then another.
Seing what was happening, I decided to leave the room, wouldnt want to be around when Obinna finds out his bag of water has reduced, getting to the door
Gabriel, you no go take? Abi you don forget how them take your own day ebfoe yesterday.. Opiro asked
nah, I no dey that wicked, I left
Getting back to the hostel later on, met Obinna asking questions about the reduced bag, and with nobody fessing up, he walked up to me and asked, I replied in the negative, I didnt know who had taken it and no I ahdnt taken any from it.
well, its gone sha, but its not cool at all, we are not even complete in the room yet and this is happening
ahh, Obina, na you fuck up, NA STREET WE DEY SO, so anything dey disappear, Opiro said with rapturous laughter
street abi? Okay ooo, the street should continue till I catch them, Obinna replied
We couldnt help but laugh
NO PERMIT NO ENTRY
So its been three weeks I started staying in the room, and the friend ive been meaning to bring in delayed his moving in till the next week, so its still just me in the room, not trying to go out of my way to interact with the others, and not ignoring them either, already knew the staylites (students from 200 level to final year) quota in the room was filled up already, so it was surprising when I got back from class on a Tuesday afternoon to meet a coursemate of mine in the room.
“ahhh, azeez, how far na”
“ehhhh, Gabriel, whats up na”
“I dey jare, wetin you dey find”, I asked
“I dey this room na”, he beamed at me
“huh, you dey here” still confused, I asked
“yeah, I never finish clearance, HOD never sign my slip for me, an whyi never come here at all”, he gave an explanation
“ohhh, okay na, no problem”, I let it be
“make I put my bag for your side, I no wan make them move anything”, he pleaded, I didnt mind, after doing that, he said something about gong out for a walk
Later that day, he came back, spoke to the others in the room, then came back to my corner of the room, said something about packing his bags in the next day and he was going to see me then, we shook hands and he left, immediately the questions started,
“Gabriel, who is that guy”
“my coursemate oo, he says hes in this room”
“ahhh, I dont think so, hes lying”, Obinna mused
“I think so to, but how do you know”, I asked the question on the others mind
“I already checked the list of students here, and I was told the remaining spaces are for the freshers, so theres no way hes in this room”
We all thought about that for a while, then dismissed it, wed find out sooner or later, the next day Azeez came back with some bags, and the question was put to him again and he admitted to not seeing the HOD fast enough but he was going to do so the next day and ge this bed, the nxt day, same story, then Obinna asked to see his online slip that indicated he was a Bona Fide in the room, it was there he faltered,
“ermm, I for like show ona now, but the thing get issue, I don go CITS go complain make them fix am”, CITS was the centre in charge of all students university online portal.
“ermmm, thats why I havent seen the HOD sef, I cant download the slip I need to show him”, there and then we all knew he was lying since the day before he said he already had the slip and now he saying he cant download it again
“hmmmm, okay, when youve resolved it, let us know”
“sure thing, Obi”, with that, he scurried off without wasting time
“that guy is lying, I wont waste any minute sending him out of this room, and Gabriel hes your guy, see the kind of people you are bringing to the room? ”
“heyyy, stop, I didnt ask him to come here, I dont even know how he knews I was staying here, not many people know im in Jaja sef”
“whatever yu say, hes from your dept, so hes tied with you, find a way to fix this”, and he walked off, nawa ooo, I don enter wahala wey I no even sabi, which kind life be this, make e no pass this one sha, I prayed.
God must have been busy when I said that prayer, cause the next day I saw two more guys in the room, one from my class and the orher familiar to me, same faculty, they were waiting for Azeez, according to them, he was squatting them, how worse can this get? Person wey no be bona fide dey squat people again, which kind stupid thing be this one, coursed through my mind.
The said Azeez came back to the room, and immediately the day got dark, Obinna called a room meeting, and after piercing questions, he admitted to not being a bona fide, “so how did you know about this room”, Oye asked
“na person for class talk say Gabriel dey stay for one big room and e fit contain plenty people so I just talk say make I come here, abeg, make ona no vex, I go soon find another place to stay, abeg”, Azeez pleaded
“wait sef, that one is the first one, but why did you bring these other two to the room”, he asked pointing to Shola and Gideon
“them too dey come from very far place, and I no fit sly my guys, but they are not staying here for long, they are also moving out too, I reason say since here dey very big, ona no go mind”, it kept coming back to the rooms size, doesnt it?
“so you just brought them here, without even consulting us first”, Oye was still pissed
“I know what I did was bad, stupid even, but abeg, make ona no vex, Gabriel, help me beg them na, make them no vex”
“Azeez, you sef see say wetin you do no cool”¸ I wasnt interested in helping him plead, “you even made me look bad in everybodys eyes, e no make sense at all”
“I know, but no vex, Shola na your guy too na, and you know say na guy parole make me bring am, abeg, no vex”, he was still pleading
After it all, it got reolved, they had two weeks to move out, all of them, else they would be thrown out, but even as this concession was made, I knew it was for naught; they were going to leave at their own time, we just had do deal with it like that
AND THEY WERE 30
After the whole debacle with the “unwanted visitors”, the room started filling itself out, the freshers came, along with their various squatters, in the order they came in;
Seun; the baby of the room, stays with Opiro, studying Building, year one, the human alarm clock for the overnight readers
Samuel; my close friend aka ASS, the only person I planned on bringing to the room to stay with me, a member of the Anti-Aids club; free condoms for the boys in the room
Christopher; the new fine boy, also a fresher, engineering department
Korede; came with Chris,
Bolu; aka Jigaba, first day he packed into the hostel, his father followed him to check out the room, like all doting and sacred fathers do
Kingsley; stays with Jigaba, the resident street boy in the room
Junior V; nobody actually knows his real name, he told us that was his name and we never bothered finding out, the resident joker, and tall tales bearer(we think the Otunba lamba song was made for him), youll get to understand why later on
Tunji Burna; we refer to him as Tunji whisper or the whisperer, the resident musician whose music couldnt even be heard in a graveyard
Fatola fabs; resident photographer, the garri entrepreneur
Tomiwa; the only devout pastor in the room, one without blemish, loved by everybody, disliked by none
Tunde; a final year student, data mogul
Temi Law; one of the jobless sports pundit in the room
Benjamin; the other sports pundit
Henry; aka Double Trouble, the tallest in the room also by far the most rugged in looks
Olu Russia; a fresher studying Russia, a confusing fellow, he claims to go to classes but most times, hes awake throughout the night and always sleeping when the others are awake till 5pm
Tega Chinese; stays with Olu, a silent partner in the room at first then showed us he had a great voice too, but then only for the lord
Shola; one of the guys that came to the room without permission, became the godfather of the room eventually, proved the maxim, the last shall become the first, true
Chris Halogen; a loudmouth fellow who at first, we all thought came from the village, we couldnt be blamed, he brought a kerosene stove to the hostel where hot plates were the only things needed, eve offered to get gas cookers.
Econs AY; this one rarely sleeps in the room, turned the room to an hotel, comes only once in a blue moon.
Number 1; the shortest man in the room, hence the number one tag
Jerry Peace; floats into the room once in a while, never spends the night consecutively
Demilade; aka Tweener, stays with Kent, the master “wanker” of the room
Daniel; another fine boy, engages in discussions frequently, once a bad boy then became a reformed born again, who said miracles still dont happen?
Ola; aka Desktop boy, this one never has a phone charger, and his desktop never leaves the extension, always charging 24/7
Tony Lamar; stayed for a semester then ran off after suffering the “street” life
This brought the room number to the size it was built for and thats when the term “na street we dey” became apparent.
Everybody knew his position in the room now, we already demarcated it, so we know who stays where, Obinna packed out of the room when we got to the 30 digit, something about not being able to cope with the number of bodies lying around in the room, but still with him gone, it looked like we increased in size, some name havent been mentioned cause nobody knows it, its a case of being 30 in the morning, and when night nighs, different legs become sprawled everywhere, and statements like, “abeg, who this guy dey with for this room? ” go around the room, and someone would raise his hand and indicate, the said person was with him, we couldnt argue with them, so long as they werent impeding others, nothing spoil.
“how far Gab, you no hear something last night”, Opiro asked
“nope, wetin you dey talk about “, I asked, curious
“I don ask others, nobody hear anything, shey na only me kon hear am nii? “, he asked, exasperated
“maybe oo, your hear no dey work well again”, I poked at him
“e no funny jare, I dey serious, no worry this night, I go wake you, make you hear am”, he promised and took his leave.
I banished the thought from my head and went about my day, had just one class today, and wasnt looking like I was going to go to it, so I decided to go talk shop with Kingsley. “you no get class nii?”, I asked
“omoh, I get but I no fit go, I just dey on some level right now, I dey try compose myself”
“wetin you take, wey dey make you dey alright?”
“omoh, you no fit understand, you fit be OG for here as oer levels but, this one pass you”, he said in dismissal
“you dey alright? Cause I no dey try show, you dey follow me talk anyhow, shey na monkey tail? Na omi gutter?” I asked, irritated
“ogah, those ones small jare, wetin be gutter water?, we dey talk better level, you dey talk those ones, you no be omo ibile jare”, he said again
“okay, see wetin go happen, shebi e sure for you abi? This Friday, we go do something together, when I don clear you, no make mouth again for this room”, I proposed
“no shaking na, I don warn you oo, Gabriel, no go do pass yourself oo”, he tried dissuading me again, but I was set on proving him wrong, with that I set off out of the room to play games in a friends room amidst arguments and more arguments, everyday hostel life
Night came, and after the whole wholl cook first, I had dinner, played some games again, and then whilst everybody became busy with one thing or the other, Opiro brought up the topic again.
“so guys, ona no wan agree say something dey sound for night abi? Make ona no worry, I go show ona”
After waiting two hours and nothing was happening, we decided he was wrong and went off to sleep, so baby, I want you to kiss me, or are you scared, what? Me, scared? no wasting time, I move closer to join our lips and ,,,, “guy wake up, wake up, e don start “, someone was shaking me awake, it took a while for me to get myself, and frowning at him, “guy, wetin na ”
“shhhh, no shout, shebi you talk say make I alert you when the noise don start, look Seun”
I turned to look at Seun, and surely enough, he was clearing his nose, or it looked like it, the type of nose clearing thats noisy, like a tornado was hiding in the nostrils, and it seemed subconscious, he just kept on doing it, and it lasted for an hour, as I decided I had had enough, I turned to go back to sleep, and looking down noticed the other sound I was hearing underneath Seuns nose clearing; Junior V.
That moment, sleep completely left me, while Seuns was irritating on the nerves, Juniors was plain disturbing; seemed he was coughing up phlegm and taking it in back and regurgitating it, all with his mouth closed, I couldnt help but kick him,
“guy, guy, baba, wake up jare, wetin na”, as he struggled to wake up, Seuns nose clearing turned to “Breath catching “, like he was trying to catch his breath, and he kept on losing it, that moment, the others in the room were already stirring, it had become loud, Opiro and me proceeded to Seun, leaving Junior alone for now to go shake Seun awake, “guy, no die for here ooo, abeg”, Opiro pleaded
“shey you no sabi say he dey do like this before you squat am nii?”, I asked
“how I go know, na me born am? na my mama talk say make I squat am, say na her feind pikin and me no fit tell my mama no”, he replied. Soon as Seun woke up, we asked him what was wrng with him, he looked at us in confusion,
“Seun, answer, whats wrong with you?”, I asked again
“nothing, what are you giuys talking about?”, he asked
“ohhh ohhhh, you dont even know? You were clearing your nose in your sleep”, Opiro answered
“no, I wasnt, and why is everybody awake at this time”,
I turned to look at Opiro, shook my head for him not to pursue it,
“nothing jare, sleep never carry us, na why, go back to sleep”, Opiro told him
Immediately we let him be, he went back to sleep and not up to a minute later, he started again, we just looked at ourselves, “maybe na spiritual problem? Call your mama, ask am”, I implored Opiro
“oyah, everybody go sleep, we don see say Opiro no dey lie, but nawa sha”, I announced
“shey na this room I go spend my one year? Noise for day, noise for night. Nawa oooo”, Korede lamented
We learned to live with the nightly sounds by our two man choir, nothing could be done, and we didnt want to mess with the “worldy” powers at work there.
Theres a common theme with the male hostels in the school, boys calling after girls, and its not confined to the guys hostel alone, the girls do it on their own turf too, so depends on how tough your skin is to withstand the insults or compliments thrown your way.
A bright sunny Thursday afternoon, I left for a class and the population in the room was still average, and average meaning at least twenty, walking back to the hostel with two of my guys, we were greeted by shouts from the female hostel; moremi,
“hey, hey you, you, big head, so you cant turn abi, hes not even fine, hey fine boy next to ugly boy, how are you, say hyy to us na “, as guys we couldnt just run off, we kept on our lazy stroll till we walked past the hostel and started laughing,
“omoh, Gab, see as them finish you, those girls no get joy oooo”, Shina
“I tell you, omoh, nawa for them, if na we do am, them go dey shout say we dey wicked, see wetin them dey do ”
“o boy, I wan laugh tire, them dey even feel me sef, as per fine boy wey I be”, joked Peter
“we don hear you, mr fine boy, I dey go room jare, go jam you two later”, we parted at the entrance to the hostel
Getting into the room, I could hear guys shouting greetings to the girls walking by the hostel, now my room is in a good position to see any girl that walks past the back of the hostel, and with a view like that, we could do whatever we wanted with those walking by.
“ahhh, thank God, mah do my own back for these girls”, I shouted happily, someone asked why I was so glad, I explained the whole teasing I got on my way back from class, this drew laughter from them all and we set to work, waiting for the rght candidate to walk by, on seeing one coming, we started shouting,
“ahhhhh, sister, sister, wetin happen, you keep your yansh for hostel? Abi why you carry cardboard for back?”
“anty anty, this your breast thats like agbalumo own, shey youll not do something about it like this?”, and on and on, the girl couldnt bear it, she walked faster out of sight, that was a score one for us, we waited for others. Seeing a girl coming from afar with two other boys, we waited till they got closer and then started,
“ahhh, sister, only you, two guys, wetin happen na, easy ooooo, you wan kill yourself, you wan fill all the holes wey you get “, undeterred, the girl looked up at our window and gave us the finger, this spurred us even more,
“ahhhhh, anty, you want to fuck all of us too? We will kill you, swear to God, you wont be able to walk again”, we shouted till they went out of sight. We waited for another one again, then two girls came around, one was quite busty, the other was a very late bloomer and we met her at too early; she was quite flat.
“ahhh, sister you are wicked, see as you carry all the breast, share with your friend na, abi you wont want he to have nii”
“ahhh, sister, its nit fair ooo, just give her tiny nipple sef, she should manage it, cause this one that stick has bombom more than her, its not fair at all, ahhh ahhhh “, and this set also scurried fast out of sight, then an elderly woman walked by, and not able to resist the temptation, Jigaba shouted, “good evening ma, hope you are fine ma ”
The woman looked up and answered back, this was the cue for all of us to greet her and we did, which she answered back, then two guys sporting fine footwear walked by and we bore into them, “heyyy, fine boys, whats up na”, they ignored our greeting and this riled us up
“ahh, because we are greeting you abi, you dey form, with that bfake shoe wey you wear ”
“better go and return that shirt back, borrow borrow oshi ”
“get out jare, ugly boys, nonsense “, at this, they turned to look at us and replied,
“if e sure for ona, come down here, maybe we no go fuck you up “, not to be deterred, we gave it back to them
“shut up jare, and waka pass, we no get your time, ugly boy oshi”, and we ignored them waiting for our next quarry, this took a while and to pass the time, we talked about football, then a very beautiful girl passed, it was then we started shouting like mad men, “ahhhhh, fine girl, youre the finest weve seen today, dont ignore us na, just talk to us, just say hy “, she turned and waved “hy”, we ran madder again, “ahhhhh, youll be blessed, whats your name na, just tell us, thats all your name, well look for you tomorrow, youre that fine”, we pleaded,
“Susan “, and she walked off to the eatery beside the hostel
“ahhh, Susan, we fuck up, we no ask department, chaiii, why na, we don fuck up ooo”, as we were lamenting, another girl walked by and this elicited shouts again fromus, more louder this time, cause this girl was fine and had a good shape, and as we were about to ask for her name, the next thing we heard behind was,
“ehn ehn, so its you guys that have been shouting since morning abi”
Can the ground just open and swallow us up this moment, I thought as I turned around with the others, the owner of that particular angry voice was one of the porters in the hostel, Ogah Friday.
“ermmm, Ogah Friday, ermmmm”, I stuttered
“whats ermmm? Are you people deaf? Why are you guys shouting so loud”, he was fuming
“ermmm, we were just playing around”, Seun tried explaining
“playing? You call this playing?, its you guys that give the hostel a bad name, and weve had people complain every time about this thing, so innocent people cant jut walk without being harassed”, he queried
“noooo, we are not harassing anybody ooooo, we are just greeting them from here, we know them”, I tried explaining
“ohhh, so the girl that has tiny breast is your friend abi?”, he asked
“ermmm, ehn, ehn, Ogah Sunday, we were just joking with her na, she didnt complain abi, guys”, I looked to the others, they all nodded in affirmation.
“dont worry, when I deal with you guys, youll never look outside your window again “, with that he proceeded to pack the beds off the bunks, he took eight eight beds in total, as he did that, we all started begging him, the owners of two of the beds werent around and we knew the trouble we would be in when they got back and found out their beds were gone.
“OGah Friday na, abeg na, abeg, we no go do am again”, I pleaded, lying prostrate
“dont come close to me, shebi you know how to lie abi, if you come close, ill change it for you guys, dont come close at all”, he warned us, we knew not to follow him out lest he takes the remaining beds, as he walked out of the room with the beds, Shola then spoke up, “make ona no worry, na money he dey find, just go meet am for staircase, give am something, he go return the beds, I don sabi Friday for a long time now”. We didnt bother wasting time, someone ponied up 500 naira and I ran after him, after getting an earful from him about there not be a next time, he gave us the beds back with unsolicited advice to go with it, “I know you guys think youre having fun but its not right, I was once a student like you too so I know how it looks fun throwing taunts and insults to hose walking by, but just take it easy with the ladies, they are not as hard as the guys so they might not take it well, and be careful with some guys you do that thing too, no go pass your boundary else you no go like wetin go happen”,
“okay sir, thank you sir”, I bowed my head and took the beds upstairs amidst cheers from the others, the drive to continue had left us and we scattered to our various corners in the room.
“omoh, and e don dey sweet ooo, I do dey plan to go ask that other fine girl for her number”, Christopher said
“you go just waste your time, who tell you say she go give you”, Opiro asked
“ahh, nothing bad in trying na, abi”, he replied
“last last she go just talk no and you go bounce commot, come back here”, Double added
“but, you go bounce with L sha”, Tony laughed.
“well, who don see Junior sef?, I never see am since morning”, Jigaba asked
“no be your squatter? Why you kon dey ask us?”, Opiro replied
“ehn so na me born am abi? I no even see am for class, na why I dey ask, hope say them never kidnap am”, Jigaba threw back
“ahhh, I no go mind if them kidnap am, at least we go reduce for here be that”, I added my voice to the discussion
“who tell you? I go find another person squat, me wey dey find money”, Jigaba chuckled
“ahhh, one day you go squat person wey go truly kidnap you, this one you dey find person to squat anyhow”, I walked out of the room with that last bit.
Coming back to the room later at night, walked into the said Junior we were looking for in the room, he was saying something, soon as he saw me, the others asked him to start all over.
“ahhh, Gabriel, something happen to me this evening oooo”, he wailed and everybody else burst out laughing, after quieting them down, he continued,
“Gab, na cab I take from DLI come back today, as I dey come down, naso I try tuck in better, na him I look up and I see this girl wey dey smile at me from the other side, I no sabi am, I never see am before, and since she dey smile towards me, I decide say make I go meet am, I reach where she dey, she still dey smile and I tell am hy, she reply back, I kon ask am why she dey smile at me, shey she sabi me?, she talk say no, say she just like my boxer nii ooo.”
“ehn, boxer, how she take see am?”, I asked in disbelief
“..mah finish, she talk say she see am as I dey get down form the cab nii ooooo, say she like the colour”, at this he showed us the said boxer, pink in colour, “say, pink look good on me, I no even waste time, I ask am her name, she tell me, as I wan waka commot, she kon tell me say, she go dey sciences by 9pm tonight for one of the classes, kon waka commot”
“ehn, she dey give you signal na, maybe she wan see the boxer wella, touch am abi guys”, the others were still clenching their stomach from laughing too much and didnt reply
“ahh, Gab, I no wan go meet am oo, make she no go set me up, you know say this school no safe, them dey use different ways hold boys up”, he disagreed
“noooo, the girl fit really like you and she might be free pussy for you, you wanna reject that? This one na University and girls for here no dey send, so enjoy yourself if the chance dey come”, I advised
“I go think about am sha but I no dey comfortable”, he mulled over it
“okay, I go go, mah dey alright for my guy side first, I go gist ona when I come back”, he left
As soon as he walked out the door, everybody started laughing,
“wait, which kind guy be that”, I asked
“naso we sef see am oo, we don dey wait make, you, Samuel, Shola come back since kon chop the Zobo wey we sef dey chop”, Jigaba laughed loud
“omoh, that one off me oo, boxer? Chai, so he just calm down kon yarn us story? Make we clap for am?, wonders no go ever end ooo”, we all kept on laughing.
Junior V came back very late that night, very quiet, didnt even speak to anybody, proceeded to lay the bed he uses and slept off, nobody bothered asking him if he went to see the girl, he would tell us at his own time. in the midnight, I was having trouble sleeping, so decided to play some games, as I went about my business, felt a presence next to me, it was Junior,
“ahhh, hafar junior, you no fit sleep”, concerned me asked
“no jare, na that yesterday thing dey disturb me”, he replied
“ohh, shey that girl abi?”, I waited for the story this time
“yeah, as I wan go meet am, I don almost reach science, na him I just hear one voice wey tell me make I turn back, say something bad fit happen, omoh, na him I turn back go chill somewhere before I come room back, I no wan tell the others”, he finished
“ohhhh, na good thing say you listen to that voice sha, maybe she really wan set you up”, I said thinking, chai, this guy good gan ooo, well sha , na him life and lie
“abi, I feel so too, make I follow you play game , where the second pad dey”.
The whole Junior drama would be the first of many as the days would go by, but we let him be and I didnt tell the other guys what he told me the day night before, they wouldnt be able to hold it in, and ribbing him would be the order of the day. A certain number one was mentioned earlier; good looking, but closer to the ground than the tabletop, he was in this same room the year before, and his nickname then was locker, he wouldnt tell us why but we put two and two together and figured maybe he could fit in the locker if he needs to hide, but he wouldnt disprove or confirm it. He was one of the ring leaders of the “calling” gang, he wasnt around when we got caught the last time, else he would have been roped in with us, he was the true definition of lead from the front.
Friday afternoon, and it was a slow day, no lectures at all, was about to sleep through the day before hearing, “hey hey, get out jare, see as you fat, no yansh for back”, I bolt upright and went to join him, and not later, we were a sizable bunch by the window, shouting on the girls, taunting them, winding them up, once in a while someone would go out and check if any porter was passing, we had figured out why we got caught yesterday; the porters patrol the hall around 6, cause they have to switch on the hallway lights, so we were intermittently checking the time and the corridor as we kept on calling out the girls walking by and then three guys walked towards the hostel slowly.
“hey, hey, you deaf, no be you I dey call?”, Number 1 shouted, the guys looked up and ignored us, at that point I recognized one of them as someone you didnt want to mess with, I tugged in number 1s shirt, “guy stop, stop, I sabi that guy, free them make we face the others”, the others looked at me, and knew I was being serious, but not number 1.
“you deaf, you dey mad be like your papa dey craze, I dey call you, you dey ignore me”, he called at them again, this time they looked up and stopped and said clearly, “you get mind abi, I dey come your room now”, and walked off, at that moment, some of the guys ran out but not number 1.
“wetin them wan do, make we continue jare, them no fit come here, them too go fear small, reason am well, abi you dey fear nii, Gab”, he laughed
“me no really fear, one of them na my guy, so nothing go do me, but na you I dey fear for”, I voiced out
“nothing go happen jare”, he said and we both walked out and stood outside the room with the others, at that moment, other room members cam out and asked who riled up the three guys earlier, w didnt answer them and one of them said,
“ona don die today, ona no even know who ona jump on abi”, still we ignored him, after 5 minutes passed and nothing happened, we entered the room back, and immediately we did that, the three guys entered the room, we didnt even see them enter, and the leader was vexed, “oyah, where that guy wey dey make mouth for here?”
“ermmmm, na him be this, but he no dey make mouth ooo, no mind am”, I pleaded with the leader
“ahh, Gab, you dey this room sef, you fuck up, why you no follow your guy reason before he do wetin he do”, my friend among them asked
“bros, no vex, no be ona I dey follow talk, na one guy wey dey behind ona”, number 1 begged
“ahhh, shey his guy dey mad nii, you dey follow me talk nonsense earlier now you dey lie, you wan die”, anger spilled out of the leader
“OG, no vex, no be you, e just be like say na ona cause I dey face ona side, but no no no be you I dey follow talk”, he stammered with fear in his voice
“Arnold, mah see you outside, abeg”, I called one of them and the others followed outside
“no vex, the guy no know who e dey follow talk, abeg, blame me, na me no warn am fast, e no know”, I begged on his behalf
“Gabriel, Gabriel, na you ooooo, but e no fit just go like that, I don hear, but God, I wan fuck am up, which level and department he dey”, Arnold asked
“ahhh, you no say I no go fit tell you that one, no vex abeg”, facing the leader, “abeg no vex OG, the guy na pikin, he don learn lesson”, I begged
“ehn, but he never learn lesson, make we go inside back”, and we walked in back to the room
“so short guy, your guy don beg for you, but I no fit leave like this, the strength wey I use climb that staircase no fit waste, so wetin you get for us”, the leader asked
“OG, abeg, wetin you wan make I do”, number 1 asked after looking at me
“see, na simple stuff, you go buy codeine for us, simple, for the three of us, that one na 1500 naira, so sharp sharp, no delay”, he ordered
“ahhhhh, I don die, na 500 naira I det ogah mii, abeg”, Number 1 pleaded
I went to him and discussed, then brought out 5oo naira to help him out, “Arnold, OG, make ona no vex, bar no dey boys hand these days, make ona manage this 1000 naira, I know say e no worth the stress wey ona go through, but abeg, an wetin dey on am be that”
“omoh, na because say na you oo, oyah bring am”, Arnold collected the 1000 naira from us,
“make you learn today say some boys dey wey you no suppose dey mess with, some pass your level, so no go think rubbish, else them go take you out, simple as that, you don hear, if I hear anything about you again concerning this kind thing, say you go jump on top on of my person, you go see me again and his time codeine no go save you”, the leader finished, shook hands with me and Number 1 and walked out with his gang.
“omoh, number 1, so you fit quiet like this”, Tweener taunted
“guy, I gats respect say them be three and I be one nii na”, he retorted
“so, wetin you for do before”¸ I joined in winding him up
“nothing na, I no even fear them, I no go drop any money, na only mouth those kind guys dey make jare”, he said and wandered off to where he wuld find the money to pay me back for helping him out.
When the others came back, we told them what happened earlier, with laughter going around, then one person made a statement,
“if na Fabs those guys see na, them no go bother am, him thinness go just discourage them, one slap one die”, he laughed
“na true ooo, them go just dey wonder if e no dey chop at all, see as you thin Fabs, see your bones”, another jested
“naso God create me na, shey na my fault, naso today I go see my course advisor, and I no come my hair, the guy just look me, ask me if I be student, say make I no lie, if na cigar I dey smoke abi na weed abi codeine, I look am, say nothing, he no gree, he talk say I be drug addict say make I go do test for medical centre, say make I bring the report come back before he go fit sign my course form, omoh, I just frustrate, so na mistake make person lean abi”, he finished
“you dey call this one lean? Omoh, you thing, be like bloed no even dey your system, I support that lecturer, I suspect you smoke, so have you done the test?”, Tweener asked
“I go do am tomorrow, but na negative e go be, cause me no dey do those kind things”, Fabs said
“e go shock you say na positive”, I butted in
“hafar, Gabriel, you don ready?”, seeing the confused look on my face, “today na Friday na, Make we dey go lagoon front, for that level?”, Kingsley asked me
“ohhh, sure thing na, you think say I go fear?, make we carry some other boys go?”, I was pumped up
“sure, make Tunde, Shola and Benjamin follow us”,
“Benjamin na pikin na”, I protested
“ehn, I wan make he start to dey learn too na”, he laughed
So we set out on our way, stopping at a shop to get the Nigerian version of a six pack, 6 cans of bullet, three action bitters and a small bottle of vodka. It was a straight line to the lagoon front for the five of us. Getting there, we were treated to the usual sights that grace that particular location at that particular time of the night; boys and girls doing extra curricular activities, and the usual crowd of guys hanging around probably doing what we were about to do.
“oyah, make we sit down for that side”, Kingsley pointed at a shaded area that was unoccupied, getting there, we made ourselves comfortable, and cups were produced out f a nylon bag,
“shey you fit handle three bullet”, Kinglsey faced me
“three na smalls na, bring am”, I puffed out my chest
“you sure? Cause I go still add something inside, na the real level be that, bullet na girl drink normally”, he warned
“baba, add anything wey you wan add, bring am”, I was still boasting
“okay ohhh, ona dey hear when I ask Gabriel ooo”, he nodded at the others
“leave am, na him be worlds best drunkard na”, Tunde laughed
Kinglsey faced away from us, poured two bullets in an empty plastic bottle, and handed it to me, I didnt waste time, I always prided myself on being able to stay sane even whilst drunk, so I knew how to act normal if worse came to be.
I downed half the drink in two tries, amidst cheers from the others, this guy think say I be pikin, he never see nothing, I thought, then I tasted what wasnt alcohol, but something leaning towards codeine and something else my brain couldnt pick up at once, I had it at the edge of my mind but it kept flitting away.
“this one you dey look like person wey dey think, hope you dey alright”, Shola was laughing
“I dey okay, no shaking”, I replied after minutes passed, I downed the rest of the drink then, and stood up, expending energy was a good way to wear the effects of alcohol off, so I started pacing.
“chai, oja ti gbe Gabriel lo oooo” (the stuff has hit Gabriel in the right place), Shola couldnt hold his laughter
“na lie, I no believe, Gabriel, how many fingers I dey hold”, Tunde turned me around.
I could still se clearly, I wasnt gone yet, I knew what he added to the drinks wasnt something normal, and it wasnt weed, I would have known that already, I just had to get what it was then id know how to go about it,
“Gabriel, you no hear me? How many fingers I dey hold”, Tunde repeated
Tunde dey ask me about fingers, but if I face am now, I go forget wetin I wan remember, I don experience am before, no be skushis, mah just think am well, the guy don finish the remaining bullet sef, ohhh, e remain one for me, omoh, I migh not eb able to take that last one, maybe ill offer it to Benjamin, since he followd us here, so he has to drink too, I cant fall my hand oo, this guy go dey loud am for room say i off after two bullets, and I don make mouth say I fit handle three, chai, but this level make sense, I go ask Kingsley how he take get am, na pure stuff..
“mahn, na true you talk ooo Shola, the guy no even answer me, he don go”, Tunde sat down back
Thank God, e don go siddon, I no ven sure if I see those fingers wella, and that one na easy to cast.
“baba, I never go jare, I just dey reason how the stuff take hit me well, no be fingers you hold up nii? Me see everything, I just dey observe as very every dey go”, I lied my way through, hoping they bought it.
“ahh, I don fear, I trust you na, you be bad guy, remain the last bullet, oyah, finish am, make we know say you don clear boys doubt”, he held up the remaining can. Took it from him, popped it and asked if Benjamin wanted to take a sip seeing as he hadnt taken anything, he declined, “you dey fear nii? You no wan enjoy life at all nii?”, I taunted
“ehn thank you, finish the drink, we are waiting for you”, he threw back at me,
I sipped at the drink for a minute or two before taking it all in, instantly knowing I wasnt going to last long, “guys, oyah, makeeee weee dey go hostellllllll”, I slurred my words
“ehh ehhh ehhh, the thing don nack am wella, no go crash for road, I no go carry you ooo”, Shola voiced out
Choosing to ignore rather than speak up and further be found out, we started off back to the hostel, getting close to the hostel, we ran into three girls, and it was there and then it started hitting me like a brick and I couldnt stop myself from shouting, “hey fineeee girlssss, wwhere off to?”
The girls ignored and walked on, but I wasnt done with them so I ran after them, and after a minute of composing myself, introduced myself again,
“im sorryyy fing girls, I just couldnt help it”, I smiled stupidly, by then the others had joined me
“hey, ermm, is your dreind drunk?”, one of the girls asked the others
“ask him yourself, Gabriel, are you high?”, Tunde laughed
“guyyyy, I tell you, I nohigh, im just cool”, I staggered a little then turned it to skip stepping
“okayyy, we agree, can we be on the way now?”, one of them pleaded
“im sorry, dont mind me, just wanted to know your names, in case I run into you again”, I managed after a moment of deep breaths taking
“im Linda, and they are both Tito and Laura, can we go now”, she asked again
“sure sure sure, thanks ermmmmm, Lydia”, I walked on past them with the others still laughing behind
“heyy, you should really take it easy, getting drunk isnt that cool”, one of them said and they all trooped off
“guy, I fuck up, I no ask for number, why I no carry phone leave hostel like this”, I wailed
“but guy, your phone dey your back pocket na”, Tunde pointed
“ohhh, I no feel am be that, next time sha I go collect their number”, I mused, and we all walked back to the hostel, others walked, I was skipping, masking my staggers, getting to the room, I didnt bother taking off my clothes, I just dropped to the bed, without dinner or the nightly argument.
I woke up the next day feeling groggy, checked the time only to see it was almost 12pm, that stuff really knocked me out, huh, to the cacophony of voices that indicate the people in the room are alive and kicking.
“hafar na, why ona dey shout again this early morning”, I winced
“ehhhhhh, he don wake up ooo, everybody”, Samuel screamed
“wake up? Na why ona dey shout nii? Which kind life na”, I shook my head
“no be him fault, all of us think say you don die nii, when we dey try wake you up this morning, and you no move at all, we don dey fear until Tweener check say you still dey breathe, na then we calm down small”, JIgaba explained
“so ona think say I don die? If I die, them go pack everybody wey dey here, fit ona for one cell kon lock this room na”, I cleared the cobwebs in my head
“you too dey feel yourself, if you do mistake die, we go just use Bagco bag carry your body go throw for lagoon, bye bye”, JIgaba laughed
“ehn, my spirit go come disturb ona for night then, shebi ona smart nii, last last ona go run leave this room alone”, I stopped the head clearing for a minute, “abeg, who get purewater, my throat dry gan”
“abeg, make person give am the water ooo, be fore he go truly die, I no fit get wahala on top drink wey no touch my lips”, Korede said
After taking enough water to last a drought, I went to the bathroom, did my business, wasted some more time looking for food, then went back to the room and continued sleeping.
“guy, guy, guy, wake up jare”, someone was tapping me
“huh, huh”, I tried getting myself
“wake up, wake up, porter dey find you”, the person said again. After some seconds, I was awake, “ehn? Which porter? ”
“that one wey yellow, he talk say he wan see you, say make you come down now”, the person stood up
“guy, why you no talk say I no dey around na? which kind wahala be this again”, I stoop up also
“I no know, I forget, sha go meet am”, he replied. Then my eyes got clear enough to see it was Samuel
I set out to meet the porter, and found him at his post, with a fair guy backing a big bag, I already had an inkling of what was going to happen
“Porter Mike, good afternoon”, I smiled
“how are you Gab, Ive been looking for you since morning, where you hide”, he asked
“nowhere, I was sleeping nii”
“okay, see this guy”, he pointed to the fair guy, “hes my padi, and some issues came up so now I want him to stay in your room till I can figure something else out, you hear”
“ahhh, sure thing Sir, shebi his bags are hear? Lemme help him carry it up”, I offered
“see, Martins, dont do anyhow in that room, Gabriel will show you the way there, the people there are okay, just be friendly and no issues, your stay there will be great”, he advised
Hearing the latter part of it, I knew this guy was here to stay forever, but what can I do, after all hes the Porter and im the student.
“so Martins, hope say you bring things for boys sha” I walked up the stairs
“of course na, Im tired of going up and down, one place to the other, so Im just glad Mike found this place for me”, he followed me
“okay na, no lele, the room na street sha, so hope say you wise”, I chuckled
“street? As in? I dont understand”, he looked confused
“dont worry, youll understand sooner than later”, I was laughing as I studied him; tall, huge was the right word, very fair, another fine boy for the rooms collection, well, dont hurt to have another big guy in the room.
Getting to the room, I announced, “oyah, guys we don get new member ooo”, and everybody started shouting, throwing greetings, helping us arrange the bags.
“oyah, ogah, wetin you bring for us?”, Opiro asked
“you guys shouldnt worry, this night, something will land”, Martins promised
“okay ooo, hope say you no dey bobo us sha, cause for this street we no dey use that kind thing joke ooo”, Opiro warned.
Martins looked at me and I shrugged, he was getting to understand what the street means.
That night he brought a bottle of vodka and a one litre soft drink, while others were knocking their drinks back, I stayed behind.
“Gabriel, come join us na”, Shola teased
“I no want, today na Saturday, I no dey drink on saturday”, I repeated
“ahh, baba de fear na, you wan kill am nii Shola”, Jigaba threw his head back
“I no dey fear jare, I just no wan do anything but give me one cup of that coke sha”, I pleaded
“nooo, no vodka, no coke, oyah, take tiny vodka, I go give you coke”, Shola said
I declined, opting to leave the room as Martins asked the others why I didnt join in, and they started the whole story about yesterday
We had two devout sports pundit in the room as at this period; Benjamin and Temi law, these two reminded us of Neville and the others on Sky Sports- they could talk for days sounding intelligent but not so sure they could walk it. Another peculiar thing about Benjamin was his confidence in everything he knew, nobody could argue with him, he would always win, no two ways about it.
Its convocation week, meaning free food for the students wiling to go and hustle for it though. No lectures, just a whole week of being lazy and in street 207, free time to spend on the programme of the day; argue till someone drops dead.
“hafar guys, we no go out today nii? I sabi one guy wey dey convocate”, I said
“you sure say food go dey? I no wan go stand for nothing oo”, Tunji Burna was sceptical
“sure thing, na my guy, I go arrange ona food join my own, make ona no worry, I got you guys”, I reassured them
“okay oo, oyah, make we move out then, Benji, you go follow us?”, Tunde asked
“no, I cant disgrace myself please, you guys, good luck”, he shook his head
“ehn ehn, no worry shebi you go wan chop when we bring come abi, nothing go enter your mouth”, we left the room
Getting to the guy that was convocating, we spent a bit of time before getting served, from there we went elsewhere, to other people we didnt even know, it was convocation, parents would surely give us food. Seeing a crowd of boys at a particular tent, we joined them and sure enough we met a woman scooping rice into takeaway packs, setting them up, we stood in line with the other guys.
“omoh, hope this food go reach us sha”, I asked the guy ahead of me
“I hope so ooo, I don dey here for a while now”, he turned to look at me
“chai, but the woman sha know say boys dey here na? “, I asked
“yeah, she look us, use eyes count us sef, “, he nodded
Ten minutes passed, and the woman was still arranging the packs, this time without even looking at us
“I no sure if this woman go give us anything oo , see as she dey measure them, “, someone in the crowd noted
“never give up baba, she go drop for us”, someone said
The woman then looked up, smiled at us, then “who are you people waiting for? ”
“ahhh, mummy, we came to celebrate with you nii oooo”, we chorused
“thats good, thank you my children, so who are you waiting for?”, she asked again
“the guy thats convocating ma, we want to celebrate his 4 years in school, now that hes leaving”, we replied
“well, im sorry my children, but he told me to keep all these for his friends, that they are coming”, she shook her head
“ehn, mummy we are his friends too na”, we were dismayed
“noo, he bringing the, here himself”¸ she finished
Hearing that, we didnt bother, we all dispersed to other tents, after an hour of part success and part failure, we retired back to the hostel, on our way up the stairs, we started discussing football
“Manchester derby dey come, I no forget wetin city do united last season”, Double said
“I swear, them just use them catch cruise, the thing funny die and Pep never gel him team then ooo”¸ Tunde replied
“abi, but this season go different, united go win, Mourinho don sabi him formula wella”, Tunji Burna said with confidence
At this point we had gotten to the room, and the Manchester talk continued, then Benjamin contributed his thoughts
“ehn, I know you guys will beef us again, cant you just talk without putting united in anything”, he said
“ahhh, you no even happy say we dey mention your club, that club wey na past glory he dey live on”, I answered
“ehn thank you, your Chelsea thats using present glory, how many cups ona don win, make ona win league from now till Jesus come, ona no fi reach us, even that double wey dey talk, shey him Arsenal na club? “, he jeered at us
“well, my asenal no be club, I agree, but no be iheanacho go dey use cach cruise”, we al laughed
“which iheanacho? Wetin he do against us last season? that one na player”, Benjamin was saying
“ahhh, shey he no score against you and do assist nii? “, double asked
“oyah bet, he no score and assist”, Benjamin stood up
“oyah, wetin you wan bet, shebi e sure for you”, double said
“oyah, bet phone”, and he dropped his tecnol8 against doubles Samsung edge.
We checked online and to the dismay of Benjamin, he lost, he didnt accept and we took it to Youtube and same thing, he still lost, then it dawned on him that, his phone was gone. Everybody started laughing then.
“chai, naso person phone go just go like that on top iheanacho”, Samuel commented
“I swear, abi make we watch am again? Maybe na FIFA game we just see, make we find the real match”, Tunde sneered
“guys stop, the guy will start crying, stop rubbing it in”, Christopher said when it seemed nobody was going to let it go anytime soon. Double gave Benjamin a choice though, he could get his phone back for 7,000 naira, after negotiations through the night, they settled on 5,000 naira, so it was settled.
The next day brought something new, Benjamin was mouthing off about not being that pained he lost the phone and Double heard.
“chai, Benji, you don fuck up, oyah I no want you 5k again, just talk say you dey sorry and I go give you your phone back, simple”, Double waited
“why I go talk sorry, because of what? Phone? Something I can go home and get another one”, Benjamin didnt back down
“guy, your mouth don dey too much, na you dey beg me yesterday now you don change tune, just say sorry and Ill accept”, Double repeated
“leave me, oyah, go and sell the phone then, me say sorry? Never”, Benjamin left the room.
“Gabriel, make we go computer village, that guy go learn lesson today, who go follow us”, Double pulled on his trousers
“make I follow jare, I wan go check something there sef”, Tunde stood
“noo guys, the guys just being childish, abeg no sell the phone, him parents fit kill am for house”, Opiro begged
“abeg, Gabriel, no dey encourage Double na, help Benji beg, that phone na him life, if he no use am for one second, he go die and ona wan go sell am, abeg, forgive am”, others joined in begging for Benjamin
“me no even wan the phone, but make the guy just talk sorry, I go listen drop phone, but he wan form bad guy abi, and I no go hear again”, Double signalled to Tunde and me and we left the room together on our way to Computer village.
We got there, after an hour of looking for a good deal, sold the phone for 10,000, then went around doing nothing, just wasting time till it was almost 5pm then we got to school by 6pm, the others assumed we didnt sell the phone seeing as we got back to school late, they were of the opinion that we delayed coming back to make it seem like haggling for a good deal took up most of our time.
“so Gabriel, where the phone, the guy wan beg now, him head don correct”, Opiro walked up to me
“ahhh, omoh, phone don go ooo”, I looked at Double and Tunde
“I know say you dey whine me, abeg, bring the phone out”, he smiled knowingly, “Benji, come here jare, come beg them”, he called out. Benjamin came in, looking like someone that had been crying since morning, “guys, im sorry, I wasnt thinking clearly, please im sorry, Ill even pay the 5,000 naira we agreed on earlier”, he looked at Double
“ahhh, omoh, serious your phone don go oo, Double show am the cash na, we sold the phone for 10,000, see what your strong head cause now? Simple sorry, you were acting big, you played yourself oo”, I looked him in the face feeling bad for him
“na the cash be this”, Double showed them and Tunde corroborated the story, then it dawned on the others that we had truly sold the phone.
“well, I don do my part sha, sorry Benjamin, your phone don go”, Opiro left us to go back to his corner.
Benjamin was quiet throughout the day, even more quiet when the absent room members heard the story, with everybody calling him “iheanacho” throughout the night.
Monday came faster than expected, the one day most of us had lectures to attend, but still no immediate need for a lock and key, someone was still going to be around. This particular Monday was different for just one reason; an event (cool breeze) was going to hold at the schools sports centre later in the evening with appearances by Simi, Lil Kesh, Slimcase and some other artistes, we all planned to go, we wouldnt miss it for the world. So immediately classes closed for the day, we all gathered in the room, waiting for the others to arrive, another reason for us going was the absence of light, we had been warned by the school authorities about the impending darkness later in the night, so we decided spending a few hours away from the heat would do us a world of good.
“oyah, where Jigaba dey na? we go leave without am oooo”, Samuel paced about
“he talk say he don almost reach hostel, make we chill small for am, but Tweener and Kent talk say them go meet us there sha”, Kingsley replied. Not too long, Jigaba showed up apologising profusely for delaying us and we started off on the journey, as we got to the gate, I held everybody up and told them I wasnt going again, everybody else were impatient to get to the place seeing as they were running late to ask me why, so I turned back to the room, didnt even know why I declined going for something that had been on my mind since I heard about it, but I didnt fancy large gatherings that much so I wasnt bothered and up I went to indulge myself, all alone for the first time, peace and quiet.
Samuel got to the event with the other guys, it was in full force already and the indoors hall was already full to capacity, so they had to be content with staying outside with the other guys, just dancing away, and having fun. When it got to 10pm, they all dispersed to look for other things to hold their attention among the other party goers there, Samuel hitched up with a girl he found dancing alone.
“hey, I like the way you dance”, he tried
“ohhhh..kay, thanks”, the girl looked up to the voice
Taking that as permission, he started dancing with her, till they both tired, then moved off to sit alone and started up a conversation.
“names Samuel, you”, he kicked off
“Ore”, she fanned herself
“wow, beautiful name, and beautiful dance steps, not forgetting your fine body”, he smiled
“thank you, sir, youre not so bad yourself”, she laughed
“so.did you come alone?”, he asked
“yeah, why you asking? “, she looked at him
“nothing, just thinking since weve danced our legs away, maybe we could , you know, go chill at the lawn tennis court side”, he suggested
“hmmmm, lawn ennis, so quick already? “, she looked knowingly at Samuel
“well, doesnt hurt to try ones luck, besides this is me trying to pursue something I liked while dancing”, he shrugged
“hmmm hmmmm, too much English, you have something in your pocket, right”, she rolled her eyes
“yeah, of course”,
“wow, you really came prepared then”, she laughed
“better prepared than lose a good opportunity”, they both laughed and started moving towards the lawn tennis court, getting there, they saw others doing what they both came there to do, and in full force already.
“wow, people must have been waiting for this night”, the girl exclaimed
“dont think so, konji can just hold you anywhere, so cant blame them”, Samuel laughed and they both picked a spot with fewer persons and started off on their own journey of pleasuring each other, as they were almost done, a voice boomed across the lawn and a torchlight beam was cast in their direction, “hey hey, Jesus, what are you guys doing there” and immediately everybody deep in passion scurried off, nobody wanted to face whatever punishment the security men would mete out for having sex in that premises.
“wow, wow, that was crazy”, Samuel laughed out loud belting his trousers
“I know right, cant believe that happened”, the girl was gasping for air
“I know, we didnt get to finish though”, Samuel moved closer
“ahh ahh, not here na, will see you tomorrow, Im in HKE department”, she pushed him away
“ohh, I rep Economics, lemme have your number then”, he tried taking his phone out only to find no phone in his back pocket. After searching frantically for it, it hit me there and then, he must have misplaced it while trying to escape the security mans torchlight beam
“you cant find your phone? “, the girl looked worried
“yeah, I mist have dropped it but no problem, just take my number, flash me tomorrow, in the evening, ill get back to you then”, he waved it off
“are you sure youd have a phone then? “, she asked
“left my other phone in the hostel, will use that, just need to retrieve my number”, he explained
“okay then, Ive got to go home, I enjoyed being with you though, goodnight”, she walked off
Samuel wasnt feeling the party anymore so he decided to leave for the hostel, not bothering to look for the others, getting back to the hostel. I was still awake, handt slept yet, was waiting for the others to thrill me with their experiences, and they all did.
“no too worry Samuel, at least your phone no lost for nothing, you chop free pussy na”, we all laughed
“where is Tony? “, I asked
“we looked fr him, but didnt see him, maybe he didnt want to come back cause of the heat, them still never give us light at all, nawa ooo”, Jigaba shook his head
“ehn, sure e say Tony no enjoy like Samuel for here sha”, everybody laughed again
“guy e no funny, e dey pain me gan”, he lamented, ” I no kon even cum sef, imagine”
“eyah, go wank for bathroom, that one suppose cool you down”, I went to bed
Guy, guy, guy, wake up, wake up..someone shook me up, and I looked at the time, it was 2:35am, it took me a while to get myself
“Tony, we dey find you yesterday na, where you go”, I was surprised
“omoh, I don enter wahala oo, Gabriel, abeg follow me downstairs, security guys dey wait for me”, he looked on the verge of crying
“guy, wetin happen”¸ I put on my shirt
“omoh, I no fit explain, just drop your phone, no carry am, follow me and flow along with me, agree with anything wey I talk abeg, na only you fit help me with this, the others no fit do am, I no wan delay them”, he pulled me along. Not understanding what was fully happening, I followed him down and outside the hostel, the gates were still open due to the lack of power and students packed outside and around the hostel. We got outside, and to the side of the hostel stood two security guys.
“good evening sirs”, I bowed my head
“how are you”, they chorused
“see sir, hes the one I stay with in the hostel”, Tony started, “and the person with the key isnt around
ehn, so why did you bring him, they pointed to me
when I found out our bona fide wasnt around, he decided to follow me so as to confirm it, he explained
ehn, see, I dont know the kind of games you are playing but do we look like kids to you? Are we stupid? Young man, dont joke with us here, the leader of the two was getting worked up
sir, please dont be angry, he didnt tell me much, but truly our bona fide isnt around and he takes the key with me, maybe he went to stay in another hostel, or he isnt in school cause of the light issue, but sir what did this silly boy do, please, I pleaded still bowed
its nothing too much, we caught him and a girl by the architecture building about to have sex, we let the girl go cause she told us about her hostel and we know their hall master, they wont allow her in after the set time, and this your friend promised to clear it all if we follow him to the hostel saying he would give us something for our troubles, and now, as you can see, hes saying another thing”, he concluded
“ohhh, ogah, abeg, please dont be angry, hes my friend so I know him well, he wouldnt want to joke with you guys like that”, I pleaded
“huh huh, so him bringing us all the way here from the lagoon front is what”¸ he looked at me
“he didnt plan it out this way, he really wants to fulfil the promise he made but the guy with the key to the locker isnt around, thats why”, I explained again
“huh huh, ehn, maybe when we hand him to the security guys at alpha base, hell produce the key by himself”¸ he threatened
That point, I knew these guys might never let Tony go, and I went prostrate, begging them, after a while, the younger personnel decided to listen to our pleas and conferred with the older one then they came back to us.
“okay, youre lucky my colleague is here to plead for you, you people should thank him, but you two have to come back to meet the others with us, because if we go back and tell them the story youve told us now, they wont believe, it would look like you paid us off and we decided to cut them out of it, so you have to follow us”, the older one said
“okay sir, thank you very much sirs” we nodded at the younger one
We began our walk back to meet the other security guys, on the way we stopped at one of their colleagues shack, and he told us not to fret much, that it would turn out well but we should see him on our way back to the hostel. Getting to the others, we were met by four more officials, and after telling them the story we told the other two at the hostel, they all looked at one another and the leader spoke up.
“before I start, whats your name”, he looked at me
“so Gabriel, you heard what your friend did, right? Is it okay for a normal student to engage in that”
“ermm, no sir”
“good, even after doing it and getting caught, he took men old enough to be his father on a merry go round, is that okay too”, he asked pointedly
“no sir, not good sir”
“thats okay, Ill tell you the truth right now, I have no business with him again, I know hell do something like this again and that time Ill hand him off to the relevant authorities to face be judgement, so im done with him, but the others here will be the one to determine his fate, I leave you in their hands”, he rounded off
“thank you sir, sirs please, hes a small boy, please forgive him”, I looked at the others
“ehn, small boy? Small boys are learning fast ooo, with the kind way he dey handle the girl, see I wont even listen to any pleas from anybody, so dont bother looking at me, its a waste of both our time”, the fair looking one concluded
“please sir, I know what he did was wrong but he was just scared and then it didnt work out, im sorry sirs, please”, I pleaded again
“James, lets free the guy, hes proven smart today, everyday is for the thief, one day is for the owner, his day of reckoning will soon come”, the quiet one amongst them turned to us with a knowing smile like he was saying he knew what we had tried to do with the whole hostel debacle
“Abdul, no, it cant be that easy, they want to take us for fools and im not allowing it, hey you, this guy is your close friend, yes”, the one called James looked at me
“yes sir”, I replied
“great, so youd do anything to help him, right”
Not knowing what direction the questions were going I answered, “yes sir, anything possible sir”
“thats very good, you know what will happen now? Ill call the guys at the base to come take you two and Ill tell them you two were trying to rape the said girl, and we caught him on her already with you holding her down, and dont worry, it wont be hard to sell, your friend was doing the deed in the first place so any investigation will prove me right”, he turned a hard face towards us. It took a minute for the implications of what he just outlined to hit me and seeing the look on his face, there was no doubt he could go down that particular road and it was his word against us, a straight loss for us.
“ahhh, please sir, im begging you, dont do that, please sir, Im begging, please”, we both prostrated and kept on pleading, after a while, the others went to confer and came back and told us to leave with a warning.
“if anything like this happens again, say goodbye to school”, we thanked them profusely and started the journey back to he hostel with one of the guys that followed Tony to the hostel in the first place, on our way back, we stopped at the shack where we were told to call at on our way back and the person came out to see us.
“so you guys are now free?”, He started
“yes sir, we thank our boss here that helped in begging for us”, we pointed at the guy escorting us back
“thats great, I knew he was going to plead your case, but you guys should be careful, you can’t jeopardise your admission for just 15 minutes of pleasure, besides you should know those security guys, get close to them, I tell you, is it a room you need to do your stuff? Or you need space? They will give it to you, but since you guys think you know all you dont try to mix with them, thats the reason they keep on catching people like you, be careful next time, now go back to the hostel, its getting close to three already”, he set us on our way back, as we walked back conversing with our escort asking about the room that could be gotten from his colleagues, his confirmation delighted us something for the future, as we arrived at the hostel about to part ways.
“boss, thanks ooo, na you help us today ooo”, Tony shook his hand
“noo, its nothing, just dey careful now, take am easy”,
“no vex sir, but wetin be your name, we no even know am, we wan collect your number down”, I put in
“no problem, them dey call me Jaguar, just that”, he smiled and called out his number for us to save, we bid him goodbye and went to catch the little sleep that was left of the day.
JACK OF ALL TRADE
The next day was the same; no power supply, and we had to go for classes, we all dispersed, and I was walking with Tony, Samuel and Shola with the topic being about whereabouts the night before, as he told the others what happened, they all started laughing with the others wanting to know who the girl was and Tony not willing to tell them her identity.
“guy, hafar you na, only you wan do the girl abi? You no wan help your guys out”, Shola shook his head
“and im sure shes not even your girlfriend, but no problem sha, eat alone”, Samuel interjected
“and die alone”, we all laughed
“say, Tony, oyah, now explain, why did you change your mind about paying the guys the money you promised”, I asked, deep in thought
“ohhhh, that, I was planning on paying ooooo, but that Jaguar guy walked closer with me than the other one and he told me not to pay anything, he was like why should I pay them because I was caught, so he told me to look for a way to escape paying”, he smiled
“ohhh, no wonder he wasnt even strict like the others, nawa oo, well sha, na God save you say person like that dey at that moment”, I looked at him
“yes ooo, na God save me, but na true sef, na normal thing, why man like me no go relieve himself abi body no be firewood na”, he smirked at me knowingly. I shook my head like I knew nothing about what he was insinuating and we got to the faculty and scattered to our various businesses of the day.
Walking back to the room, I caught snatches of conversation being driven by Benjamin, “.how do guys do it sef?”, I looked around, set my bag aside and joined in, “do what?”
“wank”, he replied looking at Christopher
“ahhh, why are you looking at me, did I tell you I wank? Abi wetin happen”, Christopher absolved himself of any lingering looks from the others
“no, Im just asking, maybe youd know”, Benjamin turned away from Christopher
“ehn, now you know, I dont know anything about it”,
“if youre so curious, try it yourself now and tell us about it”, Tunde suggested
“how? Ill start rubbing my hands under my dick just like that? What if it doesnt gt hard”, he asked again
“ehn, that one is your own problem oo, carry phone, watch porn as you dey do am, and better cream”, Tunde added
“ehn, cream abi? Which type?”, he waited on Tundes reply as soon as he said that
“guy, free me, ask Gabriel, make you take you go teach you everything, I no sabi anything”, Tunde dismissed him putting me in the spotlight
“wait, before you ask anything, why are you asking about wanking? “, I asked Benjamin
“nothing oo, let Opiro come back and well tell you guys what we saw last night”, and not too long after that, Opiro arrived back from class, and the conversation came up again.
“oyah, Opiro, come here oo, Benjamin tell us say ona two get gist for us”, I called him over
“gist? Which gist? “, he looked at us confused, then Benjamin pulled him and mouthed something in his ear, “ohhh, that gist abi, omoh, e mad, e mad die”
“baba, tell us jare, wetin happen”, Tunde asked impatiently
“ehn, e dey somehow sha, but you guys remember Temi never sleeps without that long wrapper around him”, he paused, and we all nodded in confirmation, he continued, “so, yesterday we figured out why he already sleeps like that, omoh, last night, we catch am, baba dey watch porn”
“ehn, and so? Who no dey watch porn for here?”, I shook my head
“calm down, let me finish, he wasnt just watching porn, the guy must have thought we were all sleeping as per the heat, but me and Benjamin were still awake, and we just tiptoed to his bed and the guy no even know say we dey watch am, and next thing, baba start to dey wank ooo, I shock, remain small make Benjamin burst out laughing”, he finished
“but light no dey, so how ona take sure”, Shola asked
“we sure of wetin we see die, the light from him blue film dey enough to see him hand dey move like that, and you cant be scratching yourself like that, so we are sure he was wanking, omoh, baba wank for long ooo, chai, he just dey change the porn dey wank.”
“so you guys were watching him like that, ona no get work”, Tunde laughed
“no be so, we leave am jare, I for try video am but nothing go show so I leave am”
“ehn, well watch him today then, maybe hell wank again”, I suggested
“ahh, shey na everyday the guy go dey wank nii? He young na, him blood go dry up”, Opiro laughed
That was a shocking revelation, we all saw Temi as the other baby of the room next to Seun and the thought of him masturbating was ridiculous but then we always wondered why he slept that way, he told us it was cause of the mosquitoes that abound on that side of the room and we didnt bother verifying, it was his bed after all. So that night we set up ourselves to watch him sleep, another night with no power supply, as soon he hit the sack, we all waited for him to turn his back to us like he always did underneath the wrapper, after an hour of waiting and no sign of him doing anything related to wanking, we all gave up and as we all retired to bed, Junior burst in the room, “guys, ona dey here? Ahhh, ona dey miss ooo, come out come out, these girls don craze”. We all bolted awake, confused, but followed him, not forgetting to leave someone behind in the room, closing the door behind us,
“wetin happen, which girls be that, wetin”, as Opiro asked these questions, we started hearing them, pencil dick, pencil dick, pencil dick,
“no be moremi girls be that? Ahh, theses ones are crazy ooo”, I laughed, and immediately we heard the replying salvo from the guys, tiny breast, tiny breast, wide pussy, wide pussy, wide pussy. It wasnt so hard to understand then; the lack of light was preventing the students from sleeping and to pass the time, they picked up taunting each other across the road safely locked in their various rooms in the hostel, we all trooped outside to the front gates to the hostel, they were open surprisingly and we all joined the others in watching the shouting match from the other two hostels next to us; marriere (boys hostel) and moremi (girls hostel). Then a girls voice could be heard once more; stupid boys, do you want to see breast, immediately the guys all answered in unison; yes, show us, the irony wasnt lost on we the audience- there was no light so nothing could be seen even if she bared it all. These sort of words were traded back and forth between the two hostels, till we all got tired and went back to the room, entering quietly and right before our very eyes, a particular hand was going up and down on a bed with the occupant fully covered by a wrapper, turning to Benjamin, it was dark but it wasnt so hard to imagine the look on his face; told you so
The lack of power supply was cutting into everybodys allowances, so it was a case of who had the best money management, some better at it than most, I already loaned money to Junior V, and he was supposed to return it the coming Sunday. I wasnt comfortable loaning money to people I wasnt close to, but he was in year one so I felt safe that nothing bad could happen, he still had three years left to go in school, Sunday came, and Junior was nowhere to be found, i didnt bother looking for him, I just texted him not to come back to the room without the money. He must have gotten the message cause he sent Jigaba to plead his case all to no avail, so that night we all slept in the room without Junior, questions were asked but nobody had answers, then Monday came and the first person we saw very early was Junior, walking up to me, “Gab, abeg no vex, abeg”, in his outstretched hand, the money I lent him the other time.
“no problem, I have a deal with you means you stick to it, simple as that, I do mine, you do yours”, I collected my money, turning away from him signalling the end of the discussion. Junior fielded questions from the others about his whereabouts the previous night giving his usual unbelievable replies which were taken with a grain of salt by everybody; we had all learned to do that whenever he spoke up.
The day was going slower than usual, so I ditched classes, going back to the hostel to play games and waste time, I met Shola, Tony back in the room, they obviously had the same idea too, we all plugged in and took turns playing each other, during this I received a call, picking it, I said hello.
“na you them dey call Gabriel, abi”, the voice on the other end inquired
“who is this?”, I asked
“you wan know who be this, na me scorpion”, the voice replied
“who is scorpion? Do I know you”, I asked again
“you go know me soon, shebi na you dey do anyhow for that hostel abi, you go sell that Benjamin phone that time, I give you twenty four hours make you find that phone, we don dey watch you all these while, you go find that phone if not.”, the voice trailed off
“guy, whoever you are, just free me, I dont know you”, I cut the call, thinking who was that because only the room members knew about the phone matter, and it was a good week past already, my companions sensing my discomfort, asked what the problem was, I shook my head saying it was nothing and immediately left the room looking for Benjamin, running into him on the staircase.
“guy, shey you go call boys for me?”, I drew me him aside
“which boys?”, he looked confused, then I wasnt s sure he knew anything about it
“someone called me just now, calling himself Scorpion, talking about that your phone that Double sold”, I explained
“I didnt do anything, Ive forgotten about the phone already, it wasnt me, did the person say he was from me? “, he asked, I could see he wasnt lying. I shook my head and left him alone going back to the room in my troubled state and this time, I explained it to the others, we couldnt call the number back because it was a private number, not knowing what else to do, we all waited, later a text came through; you have twenty four hours to live and find that phone back. I started, clearly shaken now, showing the others the text, the number was still private and we all wondered who could be behind it, then thirty minutes later, another text came in; 30mins gone, 23 hours 30mins left, your life ticks by, and this time, the number wasnt private anymore, the digits were revealed and I was angry immediately, because I would know that number anywhere, it belonged to Junior, I informed the others and they preached calmness, I wasnt in for that, I stormed out of the hostel looking for the aforementioned Junior, not seeing him anywhere, I returned to the hostel waiting for his return. Later in the evening, he came back and it was me, Shola, Tony, Number 1, Jimmy (Number 1s friend) and Samuel in the room.
“Number 1, how far now”, Junior bellowed, I stood up, pushed a finger into his chest, pushing him backwards, “guy, you dey mad”, I was besides myself with rage.
“ahh, wetin happen”, he acted innocent
“you dey mad? You no wan live long? You no wan finish school?”, I shouted again
“Gabriel, stop oo, you just dey push me, wetin I do”, he was still acting
I then asked him about the calls and messages, and he denied it vehemently, giving him chances to confess, he stuck to his innocent line of not knowing anything about it thinking his number was still private and unreachable, I showed him my phone and that moment his countenance changed and I told him I was taking it to the school authorities, immediately, Number 1 started begging for him.
“Gavriel, please dont do that, you know thats straight rustication for him”, he pleaded
“Gabriel, just overlook am, hes still a kid”, Jimmy added. I shook my head at their pleas, and walked out of the room, Junior running after me, holding on to my midriff, begging for he knew the consequences of what he had done.
“abeg, Gabriel, abeg, na prank, I just dey play, I no mean am at all, abeg, no do me like this”, he cried
“guy, free me, shebi you dey from gangster abi, I go allow you show am well”, I tore myself from his grip
“abeg, abeg, abeg, I use my mama beg you”, he continued pleading, the others came out to join in his pleas
“Gabriel, na your boy, leave am, no do am like that, he still dey year 1, na the weed wey he dey take dey enter him head, he never get sense yet, them go teach am”, Shola held my shoulder, I looked at him, and shook my head in disgust
“I don hear, just leave me abeg, “, I shook Juniors hands off me, “its simple, just stay in your lane, dont ever in your life mess with me, if you want to spend the remaining three years of your schooling in peace, but Im keeping this text, I pray I get to use it, because Ill be honest with you, Ill use I at the slightest chance I get, I dont care if your parent even beg me, shebi you dey take weed, dey form bad guy, you go learn lesson”, with that I went back to the game we were playing before, Shola and Tony joining me, as we were engrossed in it, seemingly forgetting about the incident, Junior came back to the room and dropped some drinks beneath our feet, without saying a word, he then left, we all took a moment and checked the drinks out. “ahhh, omoh, this guy dey really fear gan ooo, see as he go get soft stuff for boys to dey alright”, Shola laughed
“fear? He never know anything, I dey find chance, I go show DSA the text”, I said
“man, youre a mean bastard oo, that guy wont have any rest of mind now”, Tony shook his head
“dont care, not my problem, I had no rest of mind too when I got that call, or have you forgotten? “, I looked at him
“I know, I know, but still, well, its your choice sha, but take it easy oin him, hes wiser now”, Tony laughed
“he should be”, I concluded the issue momentarily but we all knew deep within our hearts that we hadnt heard the last of it.
“ahhhhh, see as this foolish Monaco spoil my ticket, just one goal, ahhh”, Junior V ran screaming into the room that late Friday night.
“its not only you na, them dey my ticket too”, Tunji Burna joined in the lamentation
“guy, your own different, why you dey compare your own to my own”, Junior said angrily which prompted glancing looks from everybody in the room. Then Jigaba acted as our spokesperson, “what is this one saying? Is it not the same money you used in betting? And is it not money you want to win”
“guy, see am na”, Junior thrust the betslip at Jigaba, “na 15,000 I use bet, so now you see why I dey vex pass normal”.
“ehhh, sorry for you ooo, and later youll be begging for garri now, you used a whole 15k to bet, good for you, rich man”, Jigaba sneered derisively. It was a surprise to the others in the room too, we knew Junior didnt act like someone who had that kid of money to waste in such manner, but then nobody spoke up again, it was his money, didnt affect us one bit.
“ehn, e don go sha, e no mean, na small money”, Junior continued, and we all threw looks at one another again, “I go do another one tomorrow, that one sure me, e go enter”
“goodluck to you sha”, Burna laughed
It was the normal routine for the weekend since the football season resumed two weeks ago; football analysis and throwing opinions on betting, we all were looking to hit that big jackpot which was looking elusive as the weeks went by, nobody had won a big lump sum in the room, the last winner was Burna and it was pittance compared to what he already lost the same day he won, so we all still looked forward to the next day with the normal thought; we go chop by the grace of God.
“guy, how you take see this Chelsea match? Shey them go win?, I wan give them win and over two goals”, Samuel looked at me
“im not sure ooo, hazard isnt fully fit yet, so he might not start again this week, and Arsenal will want to win, since they lost the first game”, I erred on the side of caution
“ermm, so na ordinary Arsenal ona no fit beat? Nawa for ona oo, well, I go give Chelsea double chance and over two”, he concluded
“yeah, thats better”¸ I nodded in agreement
“after all these analysis we spend hours doing now, last last the ticket will still cast, so why are we bothering ourselves again”, Burna turned to face us
“ehn, na your money nii? Make I waste am na, no worry when I chop, I go give you 100 make you play your own”, Samuel laughed out
“na wetin we dey talk since even before season start sef, and see nothing to show for it”, Burna threw back at Samuel
“wetin concern you na, na your money nii, I dey go the shop now, who wan mah play game for am”, Jigaba cut into the conversation
“take my own, Jiga, I no get monet for account again, so na shop for now”, Samuel handed a piece of paper and money over and Jigaba set out to the shop outside school to play it. He returned later than expected, giving Samuel his Betslip,
“omoh, Sam, na your ticket delay me, the thing no gree play, so I just tll them make thm commot one game, na the Inter game them commot, he kon play, and the Inter game play for my own, no know why he be like that for your own”
“ehhh, maybe na God na, he don know say the thing go cast, an why he help me”, Samuel shrugged
“noo, not possible, the game dey my own, so it must play”, Jigaba shook his head
“ehn, that one na your own wahala sha, thanks, oyah, everybody ooooo”, he gathered us close, “I dey chop today ooo, make ona ready, we go ball this week, money go show”
“thats what you guys say everyday, baba, instead make you enjoy your money, feed yourself, you dey waste am”, Martins sneered
“okay oo, Martins, I no go give you anything if e enter”, Samuel answered
“why would want I money thats imaginary”, Martins replied, we all screamed savage that moment trying to get Samuel to give a worthy comeback, but he just looked at us and kept quiet, walking to his corner.
Later that day, we all asked about the Betslips from the guys that played and we werent surprised when they started lamenting,
“where that Samuel sef, that Inter game wey he dey fear, he enter neat neat, better three nil win”, Jigaba grinned
“so your ticket still dey go?”, I asked him, to which he nodded in confirmation
“so Junior, how far, how much you use bet today, rich man”, Burna asked
“guy, guy, na one corner I need from that same Inter match, see as them mess up”, he proceeded to show him the ticket, we could all see it, another five thousand down the drain.
“ehhhh, them just dey get you with all these one goal, one corner, no worry, na sign from God say you go soon win”, Burna placated,
“I hope so oo, cause me don tire”
“at least your own na one goal, me I carry under three goals, the bastards score four for first half, the other one wey I carry over one goal, them score since third minute, kon forget how to score again”, Tweener cried, we all laughed at this, and on and on it went, with nobody winning, not even Samuel who came later to tell us his game already crashed at the first minute, another day gone with dreams of being millionaires not achieved.
Sunday morning was like any other type in other rooms, half of the occupants going to Church, the other half lazing about the room.
“see, I don tire oo, I no even get strength go church, when money no dey”, Samuel lamented
“I get idea oo, I was going to tell you guys earlier but I wasnt sure youd be up to it”, Burna spoke up
“guy, anything on your mind, tell us jare, we wan hear”, I implored, at the sound of which Shola came over to sit in with us.
“theres an app PayLater, my guys that are into Yahoo make use of it, they will take loans from it, flex and when maga pays, they pay back the loan, so the app na just to dey manage their lifestyle, them dey collect better money from am, I even get one guy sef, he dey build him ratings there, he wan reach level where e fit borrow 1 million, and like that, na Yankee straight”, Burna explained, we all kept silent for a while, each of us thinking through what we just heard, then Shola spoke up,
“ohhhh, guy, and you sabi this kind thing before, you no tell us? We fit borrow from he app, use am carry two odd, double the money, pay back the loan and the remaining gain wey we get, na for us, omoh, you get the app, send am to me”, he whipped out his phone. We all got the app, with the same ideas in our head, and after going through the necessary registration, and all applying for loans that early morning, it wasnt till the afternoon that we got replies back, our applications had been denied.
“omoh, nawa oo, so after our we don raise our hopes, naso them treat us”, Samuel said
“I tire ooo, and I don already pick the game wey I go use the money play, better two odds”, I was disappointed
“Burna, your PayLater wicked ooo, why them no grant us the loans, help us buzz your guy, make we know the kind information wey he fill, make we fill am again”, we called out
“no problem, but since PayLater no wan pay us, make we try this other one KwikCash, the problem there be say, them dey start very small, like one thousand and from there, you go dey upgrade”, he explained again. We all tried this new one, and I wasnt eligible to take a loan yet, Shola wasnt too but Samuel could get a loan of five thousand, without wasting time, he did, and getting the credit alert, funded his bet account with hopes of doubling the money, he succeeded in doing so, but then greed never leaves us humans, and with some other gambles, lost everything.
“omoh, I don die oo, money don finish”, he told Shola
“ahhh, shebi you don get up to ten thousand for account na, wetin happen”
“I see one live game wey sure, kon use the whole money play, say make I just reach twenty five thousand, omoh, naso the money wipe commot ooo”, he lamented
“ahhhhh, aye le ooo (life is hard ooo), omoh, Gabriel, come hear, come hear”, and I heard the full story, we decided to wait on Burna to return to ask for some help.
After telling him the whole story amidst laughter and shaking of heads, we all asked him if he knew any other loan sites or apps.
“but you still dey owe KwikCash now, you wan borrow another one?”, he looked alarmed
“noo, na from another site, so maybe I go fit play another two odds, and this time, I go withdraw am sharp sharp”, Samuel pleaded
“you still wan use am bet? Omoh, I don learn lesson, I no go use borrowed money bet oo”
“ermm, I fit no bet, I go just pay KwikCash then, so I go fit collect another loan, kon pay the other site”, Samuel explained again
“so you wan dey do like that, till when? Chai, which kind life be this?, shebi you still get one month to pay, I go check for other sites”, with that, he left us alone
“omoh, be like I no go borrow too oo, but I need money, I wan go that beach event wey Davido dey come, and Dbanj”, I said
“you too dey go? Omoh we plenty be that ooo, you dey carry girl? “, Shola asked
“you hear say I no get money, still dey ask about girl, nawa for you oo”, I rolled my eyes
“e no mean na, as for me sha, I dey carry girl go, but I never ask am sha, still wan gather small”, he smiled, as I turned to shoot a reply at him, Jigaba burst in,
“ahhh, them don get me today, all my games don enter ooo, naso I check scores again, them don cancel one goal, and game end like that, ahhhhh, which kind life”. We all turned to look at each other and smiled, different day same story.
BABY BOY? JUST BOY?
He didnt join the others in their frivoulous activities; betting was a waste of time, he already knew that, so he put his energy into better things amongst which girls were a part of. Girls, this school was bearable only because of the beautiful creatures, praise the godd lord for them, he smiled as he thought of this. It was a Monday morning, and he had classes to go to, putting on his sweatshirts with his legs in his cosy slides, with his customary bandanna around his forehead,
“howfar, Samuel, shey I dey okay?”, he turned around
“ehhhh, fine boy, fresh guy, I like that your slides ooo, but where your glasses”, Samuel gushed about him
“ohhh, I don forget am sef, see my life”, he rummaged in his locker for it, dusting it off then set it on his bridge of his nose, “make sense now abi?”
“confirm, better thing, fine boy”
“nooo, na baby boy now, fresh baby boy”, with that he left the room boncing with a certain swagger.
Classes went smoothly as they always did for baby boy, the lecturers couldnt dampen the mood he was in, and after the long haul of classes, he took a stroll to the Sports Centre to while the time away. Leaving the place, he noticed a lady walking all alone, carrying a bag of sorts, she must have gone shopping, without thinking it over, he sauntered over to her.
“excuse me, isnt that stressful?”
“pardon?”, she paused, looking him over
“im talking about the bag, and you walking with it under this harsh sun”, he replied smiling
“ohh, its no problem”, she turned away
“noo, lemme help you”, without waiting for a reply, he took the bag away from her, “lead the way please”. The lady laughed, then continued walking
“so my names Samuel”, he started
“steph, hmm, so whereve you been hiding all these while”, he asked with a grin
“in my hostel and faculty”, she replied laughing
“im geography”, he indicated his department
“im Economics”, she looked at him
“woah, so same faculty, even better, must be som sign from God”, he pointed out with a grin
“really? If you say so”, she shrugged
Taking this as a green light to march on with his advances, he continued, “so where you coming from”
“no classes today? ”
“not really, but ive got to work, besides ill catch up with the others”
“cool, must be something big for you to ditch classes though”¸he angled
“its on the island, im the rep for a beauty shop, so I organize the models and do what a manager does basically, in a mini way”, she explained
“ehhh, big girl”
“noooo, im just hustling too oo”, she shook her head
“still great though,” seeing there were almost getting to the only hostel in the vicinity, he hastedn his plan, “now ive got something to look forward to when I go to FSS, can I have your number?”
She turned to look at him, then smiled, “dont worry, when you come to the faculty, youll see me, not so hard to recognize the nice guy that helped me today” and with that she took her bag from him, said thanks then walked into her hostel without a second glance behind.
“..and like that I just stood there, omoh, I no believe am, I still dey shock now sef, na why I talk say make I come ask if ona sabi the girl, a whole baby boy like me dey do house boy, help girl carry bag”, he looked dismayed
“haaaaa, you played yourself, Opiro, we sabi Steph”, I said looking to the others
“that girl dey form die, you no wetin we dey call am nii? Stephanie SouthAfrica”, Samuel continued, ” the girl dey yarn us story of how she go SA because of Class Rep postion, story wey nobody ask am”
“and im sure that Island story is another one sha, no bother yourself with that girl, she no go even answer you normally, na because you carry bag for am, she just look your side”, Shola finished
“ehhhhhh, so I just dey feel myself for nothing, omoh thunder go fire that girl ooo, me wey suppose take cab come hostel normally, kon dey suffer under that kind sun”, he lamented further. I moved in to pat his shoulder, “every boy don go through this stage before, its normal, you will run into another girl and this time she wont use you as her bag carrier”, I said with a laugh as the others joined in.
to be continued….